A boundary is a line you set that determines what is acceptable and what’s not. It’s personal to you, and you control the setting of your boundaries, in terms of both what they are, and where that line is. It’s different for everyone and will depend on your values, experiences, and ultimately what is important to you.
Some examples of boundaries are work boundaries, for example not checking emails on an evening or when you are on holiday. You can have financial boundaries for example limiting the amount of money you are prepared to spend on something, or a set of guidelines about how you deal with financial arrangements such as lending money to friends or sharing money. You might also have boundaries around how much time you spend with certain people or how you interact with them.
Boundaries are a helpful way of setting your personal limits specific to what is important to you and help you communicate your needs and protect your wellbeing.
If you’re a people pleaser, you might struggle to set boundaries because you don’t want to rock the boat. You’ll likely find it harder than others to hold your boundaries because you’re more likely to remove them yourself at the first sign you’re inconveniencing someone. If that could be you, taking the time to consider what is important to you and why before you set boundaries can really help. If you believe in them and they’re very important to you and you know why that is, you are more likely to hold them.
Setting boundaries is a skill that improves with practice so if it’s something you want to improve then start small and set your limit and communicate it. Once you’ve done it once you’ll feel more confident about doing it again.
A fairly easy work boundary to set is around lunchtime. You might normally grab something on the go and keep working, but actually want to take a break over lunch and get out for a walk. So your boundary might be that you always have a break and get out for some fresh air. You close your computer and step away from it. You don’t take work calls during that time.
Once you’ve decided that’s your boundary, you then need to communicate it. You might block the time out and show as busy or out of office. That’s one way of communicating that you’re not available. You might want to tell your colleagues you’ve decided you need a proper lunch break and so you won’t be available at that time from now on.
When you’re communicating your boundaries, you don’t need to give a reason. You might want to, in certain circumstances but be mindful that it might make you feel like you’re trying to justify your boundary and you don’t need to do that. A lunch break for example is not unreasonable.
Boundaries are a way of putting your needs first and protecting yourself and your wellbeing. When you’ve successfully set and communicated one, start to think about what else is important to you and build on that and put more in place if they will help.
Maybe you have a friend that calls anytime day or night and you need to set a boundary that on weekends you’d appreciate if they didn’t call before 10am as you’ll be enjoying a lie in. Maybe you have a friend that borrows your belongings and doesn’t return them. These are all boundaries you can set that will communicate your expectations upfront and make things easier down the line.
I’d love to hear what boundaries you have in place and whether you plan to set some, so let me know in the comments.