I had my first taste of coaching through a leadership course that I went on through work almost a decade ago and I can honestly say that it changed my life. Coaching was one part of the course but it was the part that resonated with me the most and I can still vividly remember sitting in a meeting room in the Marriott hotel with a notepad on my knee, scribbling down the answers to a blind coaching session, one part of my brain completely absorbed and another doing a little jig of excitement because this process was amazing!
Coaching is, in a nutshell, the process of helping someone to help themselves. A good coach finds the right question to ask to make the coachee think more deeply, and helps them see things from a different perspective. A good coaching session is centered on the coachee, with the coach guiding them through the process using a series of questions. One of the most common frameworks for these questions is GROW.
G is for Goal - working out what goal the coachee wants to achieve. Often balanced between long term goals and short term goals that will take them in the right direction but break the overall goal down to make it more achievable.
R is for Reality - so where the coachee is now, what they’ve already done to achieve that goal, what’s going on for them right now.
O is for Options - all of the things they could do, all of the potential courses of action they could take. The idea here is to get as many options as possible on the table and don’t filter them. Ideas breed ideas so the more the merrier. It’s usually when coachees say they can’t think of any more ideas that another great one pops up!
W is for Way Forward - what is it the coachee is going to do? Which option will they take forward? The key here is to get something scheduled in for next Wednesday at 2pm rather than “next week”, because guess which one is more likely to happen? Yep, scheduled!
Sometimes the framework used is called T-GROW where T stands for topic and is used before goal to narrow the focus of the session if necessary.
Ultimately, the outcome of the coaching session should be that the coachee has not only set a goal, but also worked out how and when they will achieve it, and identified what might stop them and how they can prevent that happening.
So, that’s the mechanics of a coaching session, and whilst it sounds on paper very join-the-dots, in reality it really isn’t. The framework is just that, a framework. It’s there to be flexible and support the coach in getting to the right outcome. Often, rather than going in a straight line, it’s a messy squiggle, as the coachee starts to think beyond what they’d considered and explore more broadly, for example why do they want that goal, what is it going to give them? Which course of action will get them there more quickly? One of the huge benefits of coaching is that it raises awareness in the coachee, helping them to better understand themselves by considering their reasons behind the goals they’re setting. Getting under the skin of this usually means goals change and develop as the coaching process progresses, but that’s a good thing! Who wants to achieve their goals and realise it wasn’t really what they wanted when they got there?!
Now is a good time to put out there what coaching isn’t. It’s not giving advice, because unless you’re in the coachees shoes, you just don’t know what the right advice for them is. The coachee is the expert in their life and the coaches job is to support them in making the right decisions for them, not in telling them what to do, or what they, the coach, would do.
Coaching is not about breaking people down, it’s about building them up. Much like a coach shouldn’t give advice, nor should they criticise. Seeking permission to give feedback to the coachee is a good way to ask if it’s wanted before it’s shared, and a good coach will do this. And a good coach will share feedback carefully, and from a place which helps the coachee use it to get to their goals.
Coaching is also not about the coach. The coaches job is to listen and guide the coachee, so be wary of any coach that talks about themselves excessively. And by excessive here I mean that unless there is a real point to be made, it’s not usually helpful. The coachee is the star of the show.
That said, whilst it’s important that the coachee does most of the talking, it’s also necessary to make sure their valuable time is well spent and they stay on topic, so a good coach will manage that process. Which might mean stopping the coachee from sharing unnecessary stories and going off on a tangent. It’s not rude (and the interruption should be pre agreed upfront) it’s good coaching to guide the coachee back to the point.
So, why do you need coaching? Well, the short answer is that you don’t need it. You will get on just fine without it, and you’ll probably continue on the trajectory you’re on today, whatever that may be. The point of coaching is to help you decide if that trajectory is right for you, by helping you to work out what it is you really want. The second part is about helping you achieve that far sooner than you would if you were doing it on your own.
Let’s take the first part, working out what you really want. Sometimes the trajectory we’re on has been set by our younger self, influenced by parents perhaps, by circumstances, by our lack of confidence in ourselves and our capabilities. As we go through life and tackle new challenges, we might start to realise we’ve sold ourselves short. We’ve played safe when we know we can do more. Maybe it’s time to fulfil your potential. Maybe you look successful on the outside but in reality you’d much rather spend your time being creative. Or do something vocational. Whatever it is, a coach will help you get clear on what you want and then help you form a plan to get there.
A coach will also help you get to where you want to be faster. For years I thought this wasn’t the case and I could get there on my own just as quickly, but what I realised was the thing that stands in our way the most is... us! Without a coach to support you, hold you accountable, and help you get past your own BS, you will hit walls. You will talk yourself out of doing the hard things. You will miss your own deadlines because, guess what, you set them so you can rearrange them. You’ll second guess and doubt yourself and then beat yourself up for not making the progress you wanted. We are funny creatures at times! I’m not saying you’ll never get there, but I honestly believe that you’ll get there far quicker and take a more direct route if you work with a coach.
I hope that’s helped you to get a better understanding of what to expect from coaching and why you’d benefit. If you’d like to work with me to achieve your goals, book a discovery call (read more about what that is here). Link to book is here.
