I read somewhere recently that having it all means doing it all and as far as I’m concerned, I have no intention of being that person. I’m not sure how you can think you have it all if you’re doing it all anyway?
I was out with friends from work pre-covid and we were discussing having a cleaner, and I mentioned mine also did my ironing, and that I have someone to cut the grass and paint the fence too. It’s called staff apparently! But from my perspective, having people to do the repetitive tasks that I struggle with (my ADHD brain is not motivated to mop floors or trim lawns weekly) makes complete sense. My time is valuable and I want to live in a nice clean house with a tidy garden and I don’t need to be the one that keeps it like that because that’s not my strength.
I do think that playing to your strengths and mitigating your weaknesses is important. If we keep trying to do the things we’re not good at, it doesn’t help us feel brilliant, right?
But more importantly, we need to prioritise. We all get pulled in different directions, and have so many demands on our time. Demands that we want to help with, looking after family and friends, being there for the people we love, and doing things for ourselves too. When we have too many things on our plate though, it tests us. It makes us feel more fragile and vulnerable. When you’re spinning all the plates and running around trying to keep them going, the thought of dropping one of them is horrifying so we chase our tail and try to keep going. It can work in the short term, but eventually something will give. And it’s so much better if you decide which plate is going to be sacrificed and put it down yourself rather than letting it crash and break, that does far more damage.
A couple of unexpected plates needed spinning this weekend and I’ve already realised I’m under pressure. I was planning a few jobs that are going to have to wait. The wood floor will live without a reapplication of oil for a few more weeks. A few quick dinners will replace the more complicated things I was going to cook, and I’ve delegated the hell out of anything I can. I’m making sure I make time to exercise though, I need that even more at the moment. And good quality sleep. I’m prioritising the things that I know will help me, and that might be slightly different for you but the principle is the same. Make time for what you need, especially in times like this.
I don’t want to do it all, and having it all means for me that I don’t do it all. It means I do the stuff I’m great at, share and delegate the things that aren’t my strength, and focus on being the best I can be so that when challenging times come calling, I’m prepared to be the person I need to show up as.
Pick your priorities carefully, and don’t be afraid to deprioritise when you’re under pressure. Take the easier options. Be kind to yourself. You won’t be much use to anyone if you burn out, least of all yourself.