Stop talking about it (and actually do it!)

This past week I’ve had the pleasure of being at Content Live, an event created by Janet Murray (love marketing, make money) to help people like me with their businesses. And o.m.g did it help! There was so much value packed into it that I decided there’s no way I can keep it to myself! So I’m going to share the top 10 lessons I came away with in the hope that you might find them helpful too. 

Today is lesson #1 and it comes from the first speaker, Dan Knowlton, an expert on video. The title of his talk was “Stop talking about video (and actually do it!)” and he basically called us all out on not being brave enough to do video! He was totally right though, I mean I do a Facebook live most weeks, but it’s well prepared and I’m always relieved when it’s done!  

Dan taught us a quick way to prepare for a video so it flows well but isn’t scripted. And then, he got us to do one. There and then, in  a room full of people. There’s no time like the present as they say! 

Anyway, it got me thinking about all the other stuff that we talk about but often just don’t do. Places we want to go, activities we want to try, changes we want to make. We can talk about them forever but if we don’t actually do anything then we’re never going to make them happen. Talking about it is the easy bit. Doing it isn’t always as easy but at times we build things up and make it harder than it really needs to be.  

So, stop talking about, and actually do it. Whatever it is you want, unless you take action it’s probably not going to happen. What do you want to make happen? Go and start today.  

Think, Do.

Last weekend I had a lovely day out with some of my fabulous relatives. We catch up as regularly as diaries allow and it’s always good to see everyone and hear the latest news from them all. 

We arranged it a few weeks ago and then a week before we went realised that we were quite a large group and didn’t have anything booked, so we all swapped a few messages about where we might go.  

I had a quick think about what might work and decided Italian was a good option but it was important it felt special given it was a rare day out, and I settled on a restaurant that I knew would have really good food and great service too.

Whilst I was thinking about it I picked up my phone, googled them, and called to check they could fit us in. Happily it was a yes, so I messaged everyone to say I’d booked something and would be happy to change it if they preferred something else but to look at the menu and let me know. 

And that’s essentially Think, Do. When you think about something, take action on it. I read about this around twenty years ago and I’ve been doing it since then and I find it really works for me. 

If you think something, but don’t take action on it, it takes up vital space in your brain, with your brain trying to push it to that front of your mind at the right time. Which it rarely does, how often have you meant to do something and realised too late? Not a reliable resource I’m afraid!

So next time a thought pops into your head and it needs action, do something with it. Whether it’s taking the action, or setting a reminder to do something, get it out of your brain and into a system that means you won’t forget it. Which will free your brain power up to use on something more important instead! 

Anyway, the day out was a resounding success, the restaurant was very good and the food delicious, and we had lots of giggles too. We also made a new plan, which was to always arrange our next get together while we’re on the current one so we can coordinate diairies more easily and always have our next catch up booked in.  How super-efficient are we?!

Give Think, Do a try and see how much more efficient it makes you. And if you’re in the middle of something and need to set a reminder, Siri is a great way to do this quickly. Try it and see, I’d love to hear how you get on.  

Stop talking about what you don’t want. Seriously.

So we’ve all been there, stuck doing something we don’t want to do. Trouble is, when it’s a job that we don’t want and we realise this too late (when we’re already in it) then it’s a big chunk of our daily life doing what we don’t want. Like 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, and that’s probably the minimum. And it’s before the commute!

I’ve written before how you’re happier at work if you have a work best friend, but actually if you spend all day moaning to them about how bad work is and how you’re fed up and how it’s wearing you down, then they might just be encouraging you (inadvertently) to feel worse.

You see the brain is a clever thing at times, but it also has it’s limitations. And when you’re focused on something, the brain will help you look out for that, whether what you’re focused on is good for you or bad for you. So you literally get more of what you focus on. And who wants more of the bad stuff?!  

If you keep complaining about how bad this job is, and how tired you are, and how everyone is out for themselves, then you’ll find examples of those things all day long. Which is going to make you feel great. Kidding! It’s really not.  

Let me give you an example. When I made my first vision board I gathered lots of magazines together and cut out images that I loved and wanted, literally everything from a new fire to healthy food and holidays. When I laid it out on my board I couldn’t fit it all on, so I kept some of the clippings to one side for next time I revisited it.

Fast forward six months and I’d achieved most of what was on the vision board (I’m still working on the puppy but that’s a family commitment so not completely in my control!) It was time for a refresh.

It was only when I pulled out those clippings that I realised they’d had an impact too. All I had done was cut them out once and then put them away. They didn’t make it onto the board. I didn’t look at them every day. But they’d still made an impact on me. Because I’d bought a dining table exactly the same as one picture. And the actual duvet cover and cushions in another picture!  

I can remember being amazed that this had happened. I hadn’t remembered these clippings and gone out to buy those things deliberately. I’d just seen them and liked them and bought them, all subconsciously.  

Anyway, the point here is that our brain is very powerful, but it’s only as good as the stuff we put into it. So if we keep moaning about how terrible our lot in life is, it will reinforce that and show us more examples of our terrible life. 

Thats why we need to stop talking about what we don’t want and start talking about what we do want. Do you want a shorter commute? Do you want a home based job? Do you want to be your own boss? Do you want to do something that fulfills you? Do you want flexible hours so that you can watch your kids sports day? 

Whatever it is you want, talk about that instead. Chew your best friends ear off about it if you like (and they don’t object). And catch yourself when you talk about what you don’t want and stop and turn it back into what you do want.  

if you know what you don’t want, but you aren’t sure how to change this into what you do want, then I’ve created this audio to help you do just that.  

Click here to get instant access.  

My hope for you is that you work out what you do want and start to focus on that, so your brain can give you a helping hand in making that happen. 

Planning v's Doing

Recently I’ve done a bit of a sweep of my home office and I’ve established that I have a pile of planners. I adore pretty stationery and I’m a sucker for picking up a new notepad or organiser whenever I’m in paperchase!

And that’s not counting the electronic versions I have too, like Asana which also keeps me organised on the go. 

Planning is good. It helps you work out where you want to go, and how to get there. But, and this is a big BUT. Planning is the easier option than doing because it’s safe.  

If you’re spending all your time planning and not actually putting into action, then it’s not a plan. It’s a dream.  

And sorry for the reality check, but dreams don’t usually come true until you start taking action to make them happen.  And that’s scary because you have to put yourself out there. You have to talk to people and show what you can do and try when you feel like you might fail. 

Planning is great, but it won’t get you where you want to be unless you put those plans into action. Maybe that’s where the term “plan of action” comes in!  

The best way to turn your dreams into reality is to take action towards them. All the planning in the world won’t help unless you do. 

The best way to put your plans into action is to plan short term, execute, and then plan for your next steps. I’m sure we’ve all created detailed and pretty plans which look great but are out of date in about thirty seconds. Trust me, it’s a waste of energy. 

if you’re not where you want to be, plan for the next day or week, not for the next year. Take a deep breath, and put those plans into action. That will help you build momentum and carry you forward.  

Plans are safe. Action can be really scary! But that’s because action is moving you towards your dreams. Plans are just the roadmap. You need to be en route to get to your destination. Think of it like this. Trying and failing will get you closer to your dreams than never trying. It’s okay to fail. It means you’re taking action. 

So next time you plan, keep it short and sweet. And next time you fail, celebrate your progress because it means you’ve taken action and you’re on your way to where you want to be.  

Why mindfulness might not be all that!

Let me tell you a secret. When I first heard about mindfulness I wasn’t impressed. As the kind of person who thrives on a bit of pressure, the thought of slowing down so much phased me! I remember an exercise about contemplating a raisin before eating it and I just thought life was too short! 

So I’ve always been a bit dubious. 

I felt the same way about meditation too. As a down-to-earth northern girl it seemed a bit out there and woo woo to me! But as I learnt more about neuroscience and the power of the brain, I realised that anything that helps refresh and recharge our greatest asset must be worth a try. I literally started with a one minute meditation and couldn’t believe how much calmer I felt after just 60 seconds. It spurred me on to try a few minutes, and meditation is now a daily habit. I like the Oak app (on iOS) but there are others such as Insight Timer that make it really easy to meditate in the amount of time you have available. 

Anyway, I had the pleasure of going to a mindfulness workshop recently (run by another down-to-earth northern girl!) and I realised then that I actually do a lot of mindfulness these days! I still don’t contemplate the raisin (well life really is too short) but I’m present, I practice gratitude, I meditate, and I make active choices about what I’m doing and as a result I don’t fall down rabbit holes and spend hours on social media. 

Some things are just not made for mindfulness though, and in my house, ironing is one of those things. I can’t think of anything worse than cleaning or ironing mindfully, I’d much rather put on a podcast and use my brain at the same time. 

The way I see it is, if you find something that works for you, why wouldn’t you do it? And if it doesn’t work for you, then don’t. But if you never try, you’ll never know. 

PS If you have trouble falling asleep on an evening, try a body scan. You’ll find lots of them on YouTube. Anything that can relax a brightly lit room full of people in less than five minutes is a winner in my book! 

Burying your head in the sand is not an effective strategy....here's why!

As the myth goes, the ostrich buries it’s head the sand when one of it’s predators is near, with the mistaken belief that if it can’t see the predator then the predator won’t see the ostrich. Animal experts have put us all right on this, and apparently it’s not really the case (it is more likely trying to further bury its egg) but it reminds me of something that we all do from time to time. 

If we have a problem, sometimes it’s easier to pretend it’s not there, and bury our head in the sand too. We think if we just don’t give it air time we can get on with our lives and forget all about it. 

If only! 

As much as we might try to ignore it, it’s there in the back of our minds and it comes back out in the wee small hours for us to fret about.  

The problem with not facing the problem is that we don’t know how big it really is until we do. While our head is in the sand, we imagine that beast to be huge and something to be really scared of. 

If we generalise about anything we make it bigger so the trick is to get really specific. Facing up to the problem and working out exactly how bad it is often helps us establish it’s actually not as bad as we thought (when we were sand covered and trying to ignore it).

So next time you’re laid awake in the night worrying about something you haven’t dealt with, remember it’s time to face it and take a small step towards sorting it out. You’ll feel better for it, sleep better for it, and chances are you’ll realise it’s easier to sort out than you expected.

Good news all round :)

Want to be happier at work? Do this one thing...

Work and Happiness aren’t two words often used in the same sentence, but if you want to make it more likely for yourself then there is one simple thing you can do. Get yourself a work best friend. Aka a work bestie. 

Now I have to say, as a strong and independently-minded female of the species, I do like to do things on my own. I don’t want to “need” anyone else.  

But, research shows that people who have a best friend at work are happier and perform better. It left me wondering why that might be.

Maybe it’s having someone who has your back. Maybe it’s having someone to confide in so you can get things off your chest. Or maybe it’s just knowing that whatever the day throws at you, someone will be around to help you pick up the pieces if you need a hand.

I think that final bit is the key. It’s not about leaning on someone all the time. It’s knowing you have someone you could lean on if you needed to that gives you confidence you can handle most of the things that come your way.  

When I look back at my career, the times when I had to forge new relationships from scratch were the hardest, but the effort is worthwhile as it pays dividends.  

Remember we are social creatures and having a friend (and being a friend) is something that helped us survive, evolutionarily speaking. It will probably make your day more enjoyable now too. 

If you don’t have a work bestie, it’s time to start the search. Make an effort to strike up conversation, ask someone to lunch, and put yourself out there a bit more so you can find someone who you have some common ground with. Remember, it will make you happier and perform better so it really is worth putting the effort in. If you don’t have a work place that’s no excuse either. Cultivate work friendships remotely, you’ll both be better for it. 

And if you do have a work best friend, go and see them tomorrow and tell them how much you appreciate them. And maybe do a little happy dance too if that floats your boat*

* I may or may not have practised salsa steps in the ladies loo with one of my all time favourite work besties to stave off stress. I would highly recommend trying this at home (or work as the case may be) but watch out for slippy floors!  

** Work besties may move on (sob) but great friendships last the distance.  

If you’ve enjoyed this blog and you’d like to sign up for my free guide on the things you need to do today if you’re in the wrong job, then click the link below for more helpful info!  

Yes! Send me the guide!

Is a change really as good as a rest?

As you may have noticed, I've not published anything for the past few weeks. I've had a wonderful time away on holiday in Italy enjoying the sunshine, the lovely food, and some quality time with family and friends. 

I'm not knocking those who choose to work whilst on holiday, but I'm sure you'll be pleased to know you won't see me in my swimming costume doing a facebook live anytime soon! I'm a great believer in work life balance and for me, that means clear boundaries between when I'm working and when I'm playing. 

Technology is a wonderful thing and has lots of benefits, but the "always on" culture means it's harder to switch off and recharge our batteries. Without down time, our brains don’t work as well and we don’t perform at our best. 

It can be tempting to just have a quick check of emails to see how things are going, but one thing often leads to another and before you know it you’re sucked in to a problem that would likely have resolved itself before you got back....but which is now playing out in your head while you try and snooze on the beach. My advice? Better the devil you don’t know! 

So, next time you’re on holiday, or it’s your day off, make it exactly that. Spend your time doing something you want to. I learned how to stand up paddle board in Italy, it’s something I’ve wanted to try for a while. When I say learned, I mean I can stay on and paddle now, but there was lots of falling off in the first couple of hours, and lots of bruises (bodily and ego) too! I ached from head to toe the next day but the sense of satisfaction was worth it. Just need to learn how to steer the damn thing next!! 

So now it’s your turn. How would you rate your work life balance? Do you have time to rest and recharge your batteries? What one thing can you do to make sure you that you’re getting the down time you need so you’re at your best when you need to be. 

Busy or productive?!

How many times have you heard someone saying that they can't do something because they're too busy? How many times have you made that excuse yourself? Because that's what it is, an excuse. And you either have reasons, or you have results.

I'm not fond of the busy myth that's been sold to us in recent times, it's almost as though if we're busy that's a good thing, and it means we're very important (don't you know)? I can't possibly do XY orZ because I'm far too busy! Rushing from one thing to another isn't good for us, and please don't get me started on multitasking (that's for a whole other day)!

What I really notice though, is that busy doesn't mean productive. To be productive you have to produce something. And to produce something you need to stop, focus on the thing that you are doing, and stick with it until you're finished. But, you have something tangible at the end. Better one thing done than five things started but abandoned. 

So next time you hear the word busy coming out of your mouth, stop and think. Do you need to be productive instead? Let me know what you've produced lately in the comments!

Why happiness leads to success (but not the other way around!)

How many times have you heard people say "I'll be happy when...", whether they follow it with "I've been promoted" or "I've lost another ten pounds" or whatever their next target or goal is?

And how often do those people actually feel happy when they've achieved it? The surprising answer is very little, and that's because we're hard wired to then focus on the next thing. Goalposts move and we forget to celebrate because we're already behind, we have work to do. 

There is good news though. Happiness is partially genetics, we kind of have a pre set level. But we can improve on that level by he actions we take daily.  Happiness is not something you are, it's something you cultivate. So, much like a plant that you want to flourish, you need to tend to your happiness regularly. 

There are a few things you can do to feel happier, and the bonus is they're nice and easy. 

1. Practice gratitude. Each day find something to be thankful for. This trains your brain to look for what's good and you'll find you start to notice more of this when you do it each day. 

2. Smile. Even if you don't feel like it, forcing a smile sends happy signals to your brain. Which means you won't be faking it for long. Smile at someone else and they're guaranteed to smile back, you'll fire their mirror neurons up so they won't be able to help it.  

3. Say thank you. Starting your day by thanking someone else makes you happier and it also makes them happier. It builds your social connections and fosters deeper relationships.  

So the question is, why would you wait to be happy when you can choose to be happy now? Start today!