How to deal with a difficult colleague

Most of us, at some point in our lives, have come across difficult people, but having someone difficult in the workplace usually means two things:

1. You’re stuck with them for a lot of your waking hours, and 

2.  You can’t tell them to what you really think. That would be unprofessional, and regardless of how obnoxious they are themselves they usually know how to play the game in a sly (but comes across as angelic) kind of way.

Annoying, isn’t it. We’ve all been there. 

Here’s what you need to do instead:

1. Keep your emotions under control. The best way to do this is to make sure you have a life outside of work and don’t give it up easily just to do a bit extra. Face it, there will always be more to do than hours in the day. If you have plans, you’re more likely to leave work on time and be distracted from whatever the pressing issue of the day was. You’ll be more resilient if you have balance in your life, and more able to stay in control in the moment. When something happens, get immediately under control by making sure you take deep breaths before you do anything. 

2. Recognise that whatever is going on is not personal, it’s not about you. More likely it’s about how the difficult colleagues feels and what they are projecting on to you. Maybe it’s their insecurity about their lack of competence and they are trying to deflect attention from themselves. Maybe they’re jealous of what you’ve achieved and it’s making them feel that they’re lacking in some way, so they’re acting up. Whatever it is, you can’t and shouldn’t hide your light because it makes someone else feel threatened. Keep doing what you do. 

3. Consider talking to them about what’s going on. Do it privately, rather than calling them out in public. Take them for a coffee ideally so you’re in a relaxed environment. Provide specific examples of their behaviour, so rather than saying you always interrupt me, tell them that they interrupted you three times in that meeting and it meant you weren’t able to get your point across. Now, some folk have very thick skins and this might not work but my thoughts are that it’s always better to try. If nothing else they will learn you’ve noticed their behaviour and are prepared to do something about it. Which might give them second thoughts next time. 

4. If all else fails, bring in the big guns. Talk to your boss or someone senior and sympathetic, and get their help in handling the situation. They might be already aware of it. Even if they’re not, they can help you figure out how best to handle it.

Lastly, it’s worth your time and effort in dealing with your difficult colleague as chances are you’re going to come across another, whatever walk of life you’re in. Once you’ve dealt with one you’ll be better equipped next time.  

How do you know when you’re in the wrong job?

Let’s get right to the point. There are some very clear signs that you’re in the wrong job. You probably know already deep down that you are, but the thought of dealing with it is more than a little bit scary. It’s probably your livelihood. Unless you’re super savvy or have loaded parents, there’s probably too much month left at the end of the money. But before you freak out completely, I’m here to show you that finding a new job or career is possible for you. There is a step by step process to follow that will get you out of the wrong job and into the right one, and I can help with this.   

So, how do you know you’re in the wrong job? Well firstly, how do you feel when you’re away from it? Are you excited about getting back to the buzz and challenge, or are you feeling sick at the thought of what’s gone on while you’ve been away and dreading going back to face the music? If you’re worried about what’s happening while you’re not there that’s a strong indication that there’s a problem. 

The second thing you need to consider is whether this has always been like this. Was this the right job at one time in your life? Try and pinpoint what changed to help you understand the change you need to make. Maybe it’s gradual change that has meant what you do day-to-day has evolved into something different, something you’re not passionate about or that isn’t one of your strengths. Maybe it’s more paperwork, or more numbers or analysis for example. This will give you valuable insight into what you want instead.

If it’s not gradual change, maybe you can pinpoint the issue to something or someone specific. Maybe a new boss or a new colleague? If this is the case there are things you can learn to help manage these difficult folk. I’ve written a blog here that might help:

Blog - How to deal with a difficult colleague.

Chances are that wherever you go, you’ll come across someone that you don’t gel with and the sooner you learn to deal with them effectively, the better. It might help make your life easier in the short term too. 

Another sign that you’re in the wrong job is that you’re bored. You could do it stood on your head and with your hands tied behind your back. You spend your days watching the clock, waiting for home time. You can’t motivate yourself to do all the things you need to do so you just wait until you have a deadline and then work like the clappers to meet it. Well, it’s one way to keep yourself challenged! There are better ways though!  

Finally, listen to your instincts. You don’t need me to tell you if you’re in the wrong job. Chances are, if you’ve read this far you probably are, but maybe you just don’t know what you should do about it, or whether you should just stick it out. I mean at least you have a job, right? Even if it is impacting your health and well-being. Keeping you awake at night. Interfering with your social life. Making you feel exhausted and miserable. 

I think the question to ask yourself is why? Why would you want that for yourself? Why do you think you don’t deserve better? Because it doesn’t have to be this way.  

The first thing to do is work out what you do want. I’ve created a short coaching audio to help you do that, it’s called the clarity kit.  

Take the first step now. Because you don’t need to wait any longer.  

Why you are probably going to fail (sorry).

Are New Years Resolutions still a thing? I mean are there people amongst us that still set them, despite the fact that all the research tells us that very few people keep them  (statistics tell us that 80% of people who set them have given up by February)?! 

Maybe it’s the eternal optimists that set them each year, hoping this will be the year they stick! But as Einstein says, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity. 

The thing I’m not keen on about resolutions is that it’s usually all or nothing. It’s setting yourself up to fail. The very word, resolution, is defined as a firm decision to do or not to do something. Very black and white, no room for blurring. And when we set ourselves up to do that, to essentially never fail, to be perfect, we set the bar very high.

Now I’ve said before, I’m not against setting big audacious goals per se, but taking this approach leaves no room for error. You make a mistake, eat cake, fall off the wagon briefly, and you’re in what the heck territory. What the heck I’ve failed and might as well eat all the cake. What the heck I’ve failed and might as well have another bottle of wine. Feeling like, and labelling yourself a failure is not going to help you achieve your goals, because when you feel bad, you can’t be at your best or do your best. 

The way to make lasting change is to do something consistently and the trick to doing something consistently is to make it manageable. Set the bar low. Don’t say you’re going to read a book a day, say you’re going to read a page a day. If you read a book a day, great, treat it as a bonus. If you only manage a page, well that’s all you committed to, and it’s easy enough to do. And you’re able to maintain it and be consistent. 

If you’re serious about making changes in your life in 2019, here are some tips to help you be successful:

1. Have one goal. 

Not a shopping list of all the things, just pick one, the most important one. This stops you being distracted, working out which goal is your priority today, and moving onto another goal when one gets a bit difficult. So stick with one at a time, nail it, then find your next one. 

2. Know why you want it. 

Sounds obvious I know but it’s important that you know your why and you remind yourself of it whenever you say your goal. I want X so that Y. Then you always know why you want it, which reinforces it and makes you more likely to stay on track. 

3. Create habits to meet it. 

Going back to the point about consistency, the best way to build consistency is to create a habit. Habits become something we do naturally, without prompting, like brushing our teeth morning and night. if you’re serious about the goal, build a habit that will help you achieve it. Do it consistently until the habit is formed and it comes naturally. If your goal is to read more, a habit of picking up your book to read when you get into bed on a night would help you read consistently and achieve your goal. 

4. Celebrate your progress and your success. 

This is one of the key things we should all do more of! If you’re taking action towards your goal every day then mark it down somewhere. Maybe write down the number of pages you’ve read for example. Seeing your progress and how far you’ve come is motivating and inspiring, it reminds you you’re capable and can do what you set your mind to. And we all benefit from being reminded of that from time to time!

So if you’re still planning on setting that resolution, use the steps above to help you set the right resolution and stick with it until you’ve achieved what you set out to. 

If you have a specific goal you’ve been trying to achieve but haven’t made the progress you want, it might be time to think about getting a coach to help you make it happen.  I have a couple of spaces opening up in the new year so if you’re interested just drop me a line and we’ll arrange some time to talk about how we can work together and make 2019 the year your resolutions stick.

Highlights (not the hair type!) ...

So following on nicely from yesterday’s video about reminiscing, I’m wondering if any of you have been thinking about the past year? 

This time of year I always get reflective, and think about what’s gone well and what’s not gone quite according to plan!  

One thing I’ve tried to do more of this year is to stop and celebrate when things have gone right for me. I’m naturally impatient and I have a tendency to set my sights immediately on the next challenge but all that does is leave you feeling like you’re constantly striving and never really achieving. If you want to feel like you’re avhieving then you need to celebrate your achievements!

How you celebrate is up to you, and for me it varies depending on what I’ve done. This year it’s ranged from celebrating a new client with a posh ready meal and a glass of wine, to celebrating running a live event with a board game marathon with the kids to wind down, to celebrating getting my accounts done early (for the first time ever!) with spending some time baking. Whatever floats your boat as they say! 

There were lots of highlights to pick from this year for me personally but I’ve finally decided on my favourite. My newest niece arrived in the summer so now not only do I have a hilarious toddler niece to keep me amused, I also have a cute baby niece to have cuddles with. 

Next time you get a few minutes to reflect, think back on your year and see if you can come up with your highlight. I’d love to hear what it is.

Live your best times over and over again

Every year in early December, I spend some time on what has now become an annual tradition, creating the family calendar. Yes it is an actual thing! A few years ago I was looking for a calendar big enough to hold all the dates and info I wanted, but with a design that I wanted to see every day (as opposed to pictures of cute kittens) and I came across a website that let me create my own calendar. Pick the size, the shape, type, layout, you name it, and then pick the images you want to use too. 

After that first one, it became a thing, and now I do it every year (and heaven forbid I forget!). It’s one of my favourite things to do, but it takes quite a lot of time to do it “right” (as in my version of right).  Some years when I’ve had less time to spend on calendar creation I’ve noticed I haven’t got as much out of it, so I like to do it properly, which involves going back through all my photos of the year and picking out the best ones, and then digging out some old pictures and finding a few blast from the past pics to add to the mix too. This year the kids helped me with the latter and we found a picture of my sister with hair not dissimilar to Cindy-Lou Who from The Grinch, I’m sure it will make the rounds over the festive season!

Anyway, going through the photos is always lovely as it ends up being almost a year in review type session. It’s a reminder of the happy (and sometimes poignant) times we’ve had, the little things we enjoyed but that we’ve forgotten about now. Our brains are not great at storing all those lovely little memories and playing them back to us because our brains purpose is survival and so we have a negativity bias, which means the brain is programmed to look for problems or issues, rather than the fun stuff. BUT the really important thing to know is that when we do remisince and reflect on something (whether good or bad) we re-live that moment, our brain processes it again in the same way and we have the feelings we had at the time as though they are real again. Now that’s not great if you’re replaying something that upset you as it will keep doing so, so you need to watch out for that. But if you’re replaying happy memories and you can do that more then you’ll feel happier. 

You don’t need to be a calendar creator to get this effect either, there’s lots of other ways to be reminded of happy memories, and one came up recently when I was chatting to someone, she’s going to do it, and so am I! At the start of the year you designate a jar for your memories of the year and then regularly write down notable events or memories that you want to savour. Add them in throughout the year and then empty the jar on New Years Eve to help you reflect on all the positive things from the past year. 

I’m sure that’s something I’ll enjoy doing with  the kids next year so I’m off to find a jar I can put somewhere  prominent to remind me to add to it regularly. A resolution that’s easy to stick to and will make me happier is always a good thing in my book!

It’s nice to be missed

So, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged or done a Facebook live, but there’s a reason for that. I’ve had a chest infection, which is my Achilles heel equivalent, and it took a bit of shifting to get rid of it good and proper!  

As some of you may know, I had quite a prolonged chest infection a few years ago and it knocked me for six, so these days I take my health super seriously and when my body tells me to stop and rest, I take notice and do what I’m told. Whch doesn’t come naturally to me, but which is absolutely necessary and I’ve learned that the hard way. 

It’s hard to battle through when you’re not on form and where in the past I would have kept going, taken painkillers, drank coffee and powered through, these days I’m more likely to meditate to clear my head and then have a nice herbal tea while pondering how to take a step back and tackle something a different way.  

I think as a society we’ve bought into the busy myth and sometimes we see slowing down or stopping as a sign of weakness, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. There is no point going at break neck speed if you’re headed in the wrong direction as they say. We don’t need to be busy to prove our worth. I don’t, and neither do you.  

But it is nice to be missed, which brings me back to my original point. It’s been noticed that I’ve been quiet of late! I’ve had messages (thank you) asking why, and people getting in touch to let me know they like hearing from me. And I know I shouldn’t, but I find it hard to believe! Why would anyone want to listen to me and who am I to talk anyway (good old imposter syndrome rearing it’s ugly head!)?

Well the answer, it seems, is because someone is listening. Someone is reading. Someome is watching. Someone is taking something away from it. And that something might make their life better, or easier, or happier. 

In which case it’s totally worth the effort :) 

Yes, it’s nice to be missed.  

When things change, roll with the punches

I’m back with you today with lesson #5 from Content Live and this one is all about change. 

One of the great things about Content Live was that the speakers didn’t just come and do their slot and then head off backstage immediately after (which has been the case at some events I’ve been at previously!). Here they sat on tables with us both days and all added huge amounts of value answering questions and sharing their knowledge and expertise. Honestly I got so much from the two days that if I could book for next year immediately then I would! 

One of the speakers is a Facebook expert, Liz Melville, and she was in high demand! Obviously Facebook is very popular (and maybe also a bit complicated at times). One of the things Liz said when she spoke was that what was once working on Facebook is no longer working. Maybe you’ve heard of the dreaded algorithm? Essentially it means that what you post might not get in front of the people who want to see it. And funnily enough I’ve had a conversation with one of my friends tonight who has just been complaining that my Facebook lives no longer seem to come up on her feed. Amnd she wants to see them! 

The point Liz made really well was that things change in business and you’ve got to be able to adapt and go with it. Roll with the punches if you like. Too true. But first of all, you’ve got to know your numbers.

Over the years the importance of metrics has been drummed into me and I’ve finally realised why it’s so important. Without knowing your numbers, things can change slowly and quietly and before you know, it it’s hit your bottom line. Nobody wants that! If you want to change something, measure it daily and it brings your focus to it which helps you achieve it. Research shows that if you want to lose weight, getting on the scales every day means you are more likely to. Knowledge is power as they say, and checking in regularly means you can react quickly and easily to course correct when you notice things going in the wrong direction.

Finances are the same. If you want more money, track it daily. Write down your account balances and spending every day. Where your focus goes, grows. Or words to that effect! 

So, it’s the same in business, but arguably more important in the sense that when it’s your own business and you have limited and finite resources like time and money, you absolutely have to make sure you’re spending it right and getting the right returns. Whether it’s spending time blogging (good job I enjoy writing!) or money on Facebook ads, there are things you can measure. Not to freak you out but I know you’re reading this now. Well not you personally (lol) but that you landed on my blog post. I don’t know if you read it, or if you enjoyed it, but I know you were here.

Knowing how things are going, and spotting changes is the first point I’m making, but the second is being able to respond to it. And this was my takeaway from Liz’s talk. Things change, and it’s often outside of our control. Change can be a challenge because it tests us, often it means we need to learn something new, do something different (and scary) and get out of our comfort zone.  

But if we want to be successful, in life as well as in business, we need to be prepared for things to change, and when they do we need to notice, and roll with the punches. That’s what will help us not just survive, but thrive.  

Finally, a shout out to Liz. She took kindly to me picking her brains over lunch and taught me more in a few minutes by answering my specific questions than I’d been able to work out by myself in months. Hallelujah. I’m a couple of weeks down the line, I’ve implemented what she showed me and it’s working! She really does know her stuff in the world of Facebook and I would highly recommend based on the results I’ve had. Which of course, I’ve been measuring daily. Okay, hourly! I’m sure the novelty will wear off soon....!

The power of momentum

Lesson #3 from Content Live is all about momentum, and it came courtesy of Osmaan Sharif (who helps entrepreneurs find their superpower, you can find him at rapidtransformation.co.uk*) and it really resonated with me because not only have I  felt the power of momentum help push me forward, I’ve also struggled to gain momentum at times, especially in the early days of my business where there was so much to do and never enough time.

As part of his talk, Osmaan showed a picture of a stream and talked about momentum as being like a stick going down the stream. It’s being helped on its way by the force behind it and if it gets snagged and stops, it will be temporary as the stream will drive it past the block and onwards again.  

Compare that to trying to swim upstream, against the current, and the effort it would take to make tiny gains. Imagine getting blocked by something when you’re already tired from the effort of going against the current and think about how hard it would be to get past the snags then. Exactly.

So how exactly do we build momentum? Happily we covered this in lesson #3! It’s as simple as taking consistent action. Even if it’s just a few minutes each day, it all adds up and helps us make progress towards our results, but as well as this it also helps carry us on, past the snags and blockers, and keeps us moving forward. And sometimes we need that momentum to help us stay in the game, when stuff goes wrong or the chips are down. 

The power of momentum is that if you keep going, it keeps you going. And sometimes we all need a little helping hand.  

*In case you’re interested, I’m a Star, and Creator is my second super power.  

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It all adds up, stay consistent!

Today I’m bringing you lesson number 3 and it’s short and sweet!

One of the speakers at Content Live was a brand expert (Phil Pallen), and he was talking about Pinterest. Now, I love Pinterest! I’m really visual and I love vision boards and seeing my goals laid out in pictures. As a bit of a foodie I like to see recipes and the finished article too, and it’s also a bit like window shopping at times, great to get ideas for outfits or home furnishings. Oh and pets! I have a pet board too, full of pictures of the elusive and much wanted puppy! Seriously, if you’re not on Pinterest, why not?! There is literally something for everyone.

Anyway, one of the things that Phil said really struck a chord with me. He was talking about Pinterest and the power of repinning, but it really applies to anything you want to do, and his message was simple. Just spend five minutes every day doing whatever it is you need to do (in this case repinning), and your efforts will accumulate and you’ll progress consistently towards your goal.

I think most of us have things we want to achieve, whether in business, work, or life, and I thought this was such a great lesson for all of those areas. Finding an hour a day, or half an hour a day, can often be challenging, especially on those days where you need to travel or seem to have endless commitments, or the days when you have poorly children (like I did yesterday!), but finding five minutes is so much more manageable.

The thing is this. All of those five minute chunks don’t seem much on their own, but put together they turn into hours and then days. Never ever feel like five minutes isn’t enough. Do what you can with the time you have and give yourself a big pat on the back for fitting it in. And if you have longer one day, then spend longer, that’s great. Just don’t fall for the voice that tells you it’s not worth you doing something for five minutes because it absolutely is!

So that’s the lesson for today, give yourself five minutes per day to help you achieve your goals, and do it consistently so it all adds up.

Who better to learn from than the expert!

I’m just back from a very productive few days in London at Content Live #2019sorted.

See what I did there with the hashtag? No, me neither! Honestly I’m not usually at the forefront of emerging technology (having held on to my faithful blackberry with its wonderful keyboard for about three years past the discontinued date and about ten years after everyone else realised the iPhone was far superior, I got there in the end after a few “subtle” hints, like arriving back to my desk to see someone had printed a picture of an iPhone and stuck it on my blackberry alongside a note that suggested I make my way into the 21st century!!). 

Anyway I digress. At Content Live this week I managed to nab a seat right next to bookishbronte, one of the speakers and also an Instagram expert! Now I did already have Instagram to be fair, but it was used purely for the purpose of keeping an eye on my almost- teenage son’s social media activity. Apparently I’m one of those strict mums who are, like, soooo old fashioned, and he was like the last person ever of his age to be allowed it. Ah well, mum knows best as they say! 

The great thing about Content Live though, was it wasn’t just learning about the theory, we actually had to put things into practice. Right away! With no time to perfect it or find an excuse. Just do it as they say!

One of the tasks was to do an Instagram story, and to be fair I only really half knew what that was. But handily, being sat next to the expert and with her help and patience, I soon sussed it out. It’s fair to say I won’t be giving her a run for her money any time soon, her pictures are so creative and clever and inspiring, if you’re on Instagram go and check her out and prepare to be wowed. 

I don’t think anything beats learning from an expert, whatever field it’s in. Trial and error is a slow process, and often painful too. Someone sharing their knowledge, experience, and shortcuts is invaluable. As is just doing it, trying something and taking the leap. It’s the fastest way to success. And who would want to take the longer route?

#don’ttalkcrazy

#shortcutsplease

PS Still wasn’t sure I was doing that right but almost-teenage son has confirmed that hashtags look okay (he supposes)….